Yoga strikes again. This time, I was in a restorative class with the wonderful Megan Bailey at Nanaimo Yoga
Sanctuary. Megan had begun the class by encouraging us to detach from our practice enough to observe ourselves while in each pose - to observe our body sensations, reactions, emotions - and then decide how to modify our poses based on those observations. Of course, I thought. Isn't that what we always do?
Near the middle of class we set up for a chest-opening pose, where you lay down with a yoga block placed width-wise under your shoulder blades, and another under your head for support. The goal is for the shoulders to drop back and to find a release in the upper back and across the upper chest. I've done this pose a hundred times, maybe more, and have disliked it pretty much every time. It's uncomfortable, and though it works to help me relax the muscles across my chest I usually feel like the discomfort isn't worth it.
This time, I laid back onto the blocks and observed. Same as always - uncomfortable. But I also noticed that there was some kind of resistance in me that wasn't muscular resistance. I realized that my desire to avoid this pose was due more to how it made me feel emotionally, which was simultaneously open and vulnerable, and constricted and tight. I sat with that for a moment. It wasn't fun.
Then, I shifted the block at my shoulder blades slightly, just down and to the right. A miniscule physical shift. The craziest thing happened. You know how you often hear yoga teachers say things that are physically impossible, like your shoulder blades should melt around the wooden block? Well, it actually occurred. My should blades and upper back softened like butter. My whole upper body was suddenly... easy. My mind settled. We lay in the pose for two or three minutes, much as we usually do. However, usually, I can't wait to exit the pose and move on to something else. This time, I felt genuinely sorry to leave.
So, why am I writing about this now? What does this have to do with significance, or finding meaning and purpose in my life? I think it's related to my previous yoga reflection; that this practice can help us to find alternative entry points into the self. Intuitively, I sense that there is something I should pay attention to in terms of my relationship to resistance. When resistance happens for me, I typically back off right away--avoid it. In this particular yoga moment I felt resistance, sat with it, and made the smallest adjustment that allowed me to lean into the resistance - at which point it disappeared. There is something in this moment that I can use to help me find a different entry point into my self, working with resistance rather than avoiding it.
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