I went to the library last week and perused the section with all the books about purpose, meaning, and happiness in life. The librarian didn't bat an eye when presented with my armload of self help guides... maybe this is something that happens all the time? One of the books that I walked away with is called The Happy Human, by Gopi Kallayil.
Gopi Kallayil works for Google, and wrote The Happy Human in response to what he views as his life's calling. The central claim that Kallayil makes is that you can achieve happiness only when you embrace your unique humanity, becoming your unapologetic, authentic self. Although he doesn't label it as significance, Kallayil clearly equates living a significant life with being able to answer affirmatively to these questions:
Are you hopeful?
Are you contributing?
Are you living the life you want?
Are you making a difference?
Are you pursuing what's important to you, and what aligns with what you value most?
Happiness, he says, follows your effort to find meaning and purpose, which you find by "pausing" your day-to-day life activities to remember "what lights you up." Kallayil claims that, deep down, we all know what our purpose is. Implicit in this claim is a caveat that you must trust that everything will become clear, and unfold as it should.
Kallayil offers some advice for achieving a state of happiness, including the importance of: taking risks in life; being grounded in the present moment; creating authentic human connections outside of social media; taking care of your physical health (diet, exercise, sleep); being open to both opportunity and failure; taking time for personal retreats; being clear about what you want; and leaving room in your life for exploration (among other things). The evidence that Kallayil presents in support of these recommendations is primarily grounded in his personal experience, while drawing on the stories of others to augment his narrative.
I'll admit that the free-flowing narrative in this book was a pleasant change for me, in contrast to the tightly-wound and terse writing of academia. Kallayil comes across as a genuinely nice person who is concerned with the welfare of others, giving what he can to make a difference. But, while I really enjoyed reading about his experiences, I'm not sure if I learned a whole lot from this book. It doesn't go deep enough for me to get the help I need to articulate what significance looks like in my life. I would love to believe that all I need to do is trust the process, but I suspect there's probably a little more to it. I know that the key to creating significance in my life is inside me, but I don't know how to find it!
There was also a whole lot of privilege wrapped up in Kallayil's recommendations. I don't think this was intentional. But this is a middle-aged, single man without children who makes a great deal of money and has a great deal of flexibility in his work life. He provided one example that left me bristling, about taking a personal retreat after an intense work week in Tokyo: "That Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, I stayed ensconced in the comfort and luxury of the Conrad Tokyo, 35 floors up, overlooking the spectacular Tokyo Bay and Hamarikyu Gardens. I meditated and read in my room; swam in the 29th floor hotel pool surrounded by glass, looking out over the city; and went to classes in the yoga studio, where three staff members attended to me in hushed silence..." (p. 45).
To be fair, he does admit that there are other, less expensive strategies that you can use for personal retreats. But I would also argue that it becomes difficult to "pause" and find your true purpose when you have three children under the age of five, or you work three jobs to make ends meet, or you live with persistent anxiety or depression, or you're just doing your best to adult and ensure that you're meeting your responsibilities.
With that little rant aside, there are a couple of nuggets in this book that will contribute to my journey toward significance. Kallalyil encouraged the reader to view each effort in life as an iteration rather than as a concrete success or failure. There is an emphasis on growth here that appeals to me, and an advocacy on Kallayil's behalf for the importance of learning. Reflecting on how I dealt with my departure from my last stage of life, I felt a deep sense of failure when I left my job and my home; it is helpful to re-frame this as simply one iteration in the story of my existence. I also feel a renewed sense of urgency to find the authentic "me," as I realized after reading The Happy Human how important it is for that authentic sense of self to become the foundation for the rest of my efforts.
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