Author Mark Manson starts us out by admitting that "...this is a total mind fuck" (p.9); a crude but apt description of my own cognitive shift after reading the book. I grabbed this book off the shelf because the cover claims that it is a guide to living a good life (rather than the good life), which is something that I intuitively associate with significance. When I sat down to read I thought I might be treated to yet another diatribe by a white guy reflecting on his first world problems; a 30-something dude who thinks he has enough life experience to know the answers to everything.
My expectations were defied. Yes, the book is unnecessarily crass; I mean, who needs the word fuck to make their point roughly twenty times a page? Manson's tone is whiny in places, and the language he uses has subtle undertones of misogyny and privilege. Like many others, he completely underestimates the impact of trauma, and there is the suggestion that if we just work hard enough on self awareness and pull up our socks we can get over it (argh).
Manson's message is not new; in fact, he has been criticized for simply putting a modern spin on the ideas advocated in Buddhist literature for hundreds (thousands?) of years. Despite this, however, I read through Manson's book in one sitting because I found it super compelling. I even ordered a copy from Amazon for Danny to read. The allure, and value, of this book is that it's straightforward, with the primary take-away being that we really need to align our beliefs, priorities, and actions in order to generate a sense of agency and self-efficacy. Instead of trying to avoid problems we should be embracing them, because this is what makes life really meaningful. "The path to happiness is a path full of shit-heaps and shame" (p. 38), and the suffering that we experience as we solve life's problems is what makes it consequential. The catch is that the problems we tackle should really be those that we care about. That's the key, says Manson: to figure out what we really care about.
Lightbulb! This is precisely what has been bugging the most. I know I'm a good person, I know that I have a lot to offer, I'm clear on my skills and strengths, and I know that I'm loved. However, I'm not able to articulate what I care most about in my effort to direct my actions (in both life and work). And, in a surprising twist, Manson actually offers some practical strategies for doing this. The emphasis on developing a reflective practice and striving for life-long learning is refreshing, even if Manson says "fuck" too much.
To serve life-long learning, Manson claims that "being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident... and suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance" (p. 11). Since I've already decided to lay my insecurities bare on this website, I figure I can take it one step further and publicly work through some of the recommendations he makes to help me identify, with clarity, what I care most about. Stay tuned, it's coming in part two of this post.
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